I finally feel like I’m living in an amazing place, a place that i really want to be. I have a fresh start, for real this time. I’ve learned the hard way what not to do when moving to a new place, I’m creating a great new life for me here, I have everything I want now. But I’ve been thinking lately that I don’t have the one thing i really want and need…I want love. But it’s so hard and most of the time i feel like it’s not worth the effort to meet people and get to know them, it’s so exhausting ..but It’s a lonely life….I am alright with being alone and most of the time i prefer it but I wish i had love in my life. :/
“Even after the entire world has taken me apart, there’s still a part of me left for you.”
“I guess when you’re young, you just believe there’ll be many people with whom you’ll connect with. Later in life, you realize it only happens a few times.”
“It reminded me how … genuinely romantic I was. How I had so much hope in things, and … now it’s like … I don’t believe in anything that relates to love. I don’t feel things for people anymore. In a way, I put all my romanticism into that one night. And I was never able to feel all this again. Like … somehow this night took things away from me, and I expressed them to you, and you took them with you! It made me feel cold, like if love wasn’t for me. Reality and love are almost contradictory for me.”
I mean I’m really happy only when I’m on my own. Even being alone…it’s better than…sitting next to a lover and feeling lonely. It’s not so easy for me to be all romantic. You start off that way and after you’ve been screwed over a few times…you…you…you forget about all your delusional ideas and you just take what comes into your life.
“I always feel like a freak because I’m never able to move on like this, you know? People just have an affair or even entire relationships. They break up and they forget. They move on like they would have changed brand of cereals. I feel I was never able to forget anyone I’ve been with, because each person has their own specific qualities. You can never replace anyone. What is lost is lost. Each relationship, when it ends, really damages me. I never fully recover. That’s why I’m very careful with getting involved - because it hurts too much. I will miss of the person the most mundane things. I’m obsessed with little things. Maybe I’m crazy, but when I was a little girl, my mom told me that I was always late to school. One day she followed me to see why. I was looking at chestnuts falling from the trees, rolling on the sidewalk. Or ants crossing the road; the way a leaf cast a shadow on a tree trunk. Little things. I think it’s the same with people. I see in them little details, so specific to each of them, that move me and that I miss and will always miss. You can never replace anyone, because everyone is made of such beautiful, specific details.”
- Before Sunrise/Before Sunset
“Will holding it secret in your heart make it any less true? If you never tell, never speak of it, will it become only a dream, less than a dream, a nightmare half-remembered?”
“I envy you. Every moment. You can leave me. I cannot leave myself.” —Anna Świrszczyńska
“There is not much to be said for contentment and painlessness, for these bearable and submissive days, on which neither pain nor pleasure cry out, on which everything only whispers and tiptoes around. But the worst of it is that it is just this contentment that I cannot endure. After a short time it fills me with irrepressible loathing and nausea. Then, in desperation, i have to escape to other regions, if possible on the road to pleasure, or if that cannot be, on the road to pain. When I have neither pleasure nor pain, and have been breathing for a while the lukewarm insipid air of these so-called good and tolerable days, I feel so bad in my childish soul that i smash my rusty lyre of thanksgiving in the face of the slumbering god of contentment and would rather feel the most devilish pain burn in me than this warmth of a well-heated room. A wild longing for strong emotions and sensations seethes in me, a rage against this toneless, flat, normal and sterile life. For what I have always hated and detested and cursed above all things was this contentment, this healthiness and comfort, this carefully preserved optimism of the middle classes, this fat and prosperous brood of mediocrity.”
“From the very start there is no innocence and no singleness. Every created thing, even the simplest, is already guilty, already multiple. It has been thrown into the muddy stream of being and may never more swim back again to its source. The way to innocence, to the uncreated leads on, not back, not back to the wolf or to the child, but ever further into sin, ever deeper into human life.”
“Assiduous and busy, care-ridden and light-hearted, intelligent and yet thoughtless, these butterflies lived a life at once childlike and independent, not to be bought by every one, finding their account in good luck and fine weather, in love with life and yet clinging to it far less than the bourgeois, always ready to follow a fairy prince to his castle, always certain though scarcely concious of it, that a difficult and bad end was in store for them.”
“We have to stumble through so much dirt and humbug before we reach home. And we have no one to guide us. Our only guide is our home-sickness.”
“I was glad and thankful to find a trace of anything like a feeling still remaining in my burnt-out heart.”
-Steppenwolf
“You think that if one gets hurt in life, it’s through one’s own sins—and that’s true, in the long run. But there are people who will try to hurt you through the good they see in you—knowing that it’s the good, needing it and punishing you for it. Don’t let it break you when you discover that.”
“What’s the matter with all of us? Why is there nothing but misery left for anyone? Why do we suffer so much? We weren’t meant to. I always thought that we were to be happy, all of us, as our natural fate. What are we doing? The world is perishing and we cannot stop it. Why are we destroying ourselves? Who will save us?”
“Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be left waiting for us in our graves—or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.”
“I love you—I always will. Don’t be afraid for me, I don’t care if I’ll never have you again, what does that mater? You’re alive, and you’re here and you know everything now.”
“If any part of your uncertainty is a conflict between your heart and your mind—follow your mind.”
“In your worst and darkest moments, remember that you have seen another kind of world. Remember that you can reach it whenever you choose to see. Remember that it will be waiting and that it’s real, it’s possible, it’s yours.”
- Atlas Shrugged
“In my dreams the world would come alive, becoming so captivatingly majestic, free and ethereal, that afterwards it would be oppressive to breathe the dust of this painted life.”
Vladimir Nabokov
